Learning the Art of Surrender
My name is Londin Winters. I am the kind of spiritual intimacy teacher that you don’t see very often: a busy mom.
It wasn’t always this way. I started along the path of spiritual intimacy when I was single. I could make anything I wanted happen in my career, but I was lost and alone when it came to relationships. Hurts and betrayals led me to learn about masculine/feminine gender dynamics, conscious dating, and the like.
But this knowledge didn’t change anything. My intimate relationships continued to leave me disappointed and aching inside.
Then I learned the art of surrender, and my entire life rotated on its axis.
Surrender melted the walls around my heart that had made me so numb. It gave me the ability to connect to my deepest wisdom. It awoke a river of sensual vibrancy that transcended life’s ups and downs.
Through the art of surrender, life stopped hurting so bad and became rich again. From this place, I was blessed to attract Justin, and our journey began. Sex became an expression of presence, depth, and authentic connection.
Justin and I spent many years living, breathing, and teaching the principles of spiritual intimacy when suddenly, at 47 years old, I got surprised with a pregnancy.
It was a complete miracle: a beautiful baby girl.
My whole life rotated on its axis . . . again.
Our daughter’s birth changed everything. Not only did I lose nearly all of my free time, but the love between me and my daughter grew so thick, so rich, that a part of me became fulfilled in a way that wasn’t before her arrival.
I was tempted to look at Justin and think, I’ll get to your needs in a couple of years, okay? And, while you’re waiting, could you watch Ava for an hour so I can take a nap?
If I wasn’t a devout spiritual intimacy practitioner, I probably would have done something very close to that. Intimate connection would have become something that happened intermittently, half-asleep, in the middle of the night, just to get some needs met. The rest of the time, Justin and I would pass each other in the kitchen like war buddies—divide and conquer.
But it didn’t go that way.
I value intimate communion with all of my being. Sacred moments of sexuality with Justin give my life meaning that I cannot find anywhere else. Sacred sexuality is my vehicle for spiritual awakening, my medicine, and my opportunity to deepen my relationship to the Divine. It nourishes me like nothing else can. I use my sexuality to awaken Justin, to nourish him, and to make our lives an experience of sacredness. Even with parenting entering the equation, I wasn’t going to give up so easily.
So over the past several years as a mom, I have kept my sexuality in the picture. I have brought it as a gift to Justin as he has brought the gift of his sexuality to me.
Those first years of diapers, colic, and sleepless nights were rough. I felt like a milkmaid. I felt levels of exhaustion I didn’t even know were possible. But I also got to feel partnership and passion.
Keeping sexuality in the picture took work, but it was worth it. Rather than disappear into the land of the invisible mom, I continued to experience Justin undressing me with his eyes, reminding me that I existed as a lover, not just a mother. I got to experience our union refilling our depleted cups, repairing the strains of parenthood, and putting us back on our feet, day after sleepless night.
One of the things I’m most excited to bring you in this book is a guide to intimate relationship that is battle-tested even through one of the greatest challenges any couple can face: parenting.
Once kids enter the picture or one’s career takes off, most people approach sex and romance as a problem to fix. They think, How do I fit it in now? or How do I check the sex box to keep my relationship from ending? Neither of these approaches is what I’m going to teach you. They treat sex as an obligation.
I’m going to teach you how to have lovemaking and intimate connection become so sizzling hot, so connected, that you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You’ll make time for it because it’s the best part of your day. It’s the thing that puts all your parts back together so you can return to life as your best self.
That is playing with fire.
—excerpt from Playing With Fire: The Spiritual Path of Intimate Relationship by Justin Patrick Pierce and Londin Angel Winters