Can Sexual Polarity Work When You Have Kids?

Yes. Not in the way most teachings present it — but yes.

Most sacred sexuality practices are designed for childless couples, retreat settings, or people with hours of uninterrupted time. Multi-hour tantric rituals. Elaborate setup. Perfect silence. Perfect conditions. If you're a parent, you read those instructions and think: This isn't for me.

It is for you. You just need practices that work inside your actual life — not alongside it.

Londin and I have a daughter. We've maintained sexual polarity through newborn exhaustion, toddler chaos, touched-out phases, thin walls, light sleepers, and years of "Mom! Dad! I need you!" at the worst possible moment. We're not teaching theory from before we had a kid. We're teaching what works after the kid goes to sleep, when we're running on fumes, when conditions are far from perfect.

Sacred sexuality doesn't require hours or ideal conditions. It requires presence in the time you actually have. We teach this through our Yoga of Intimacy community on Patreon, through private coaching, and in depth in our upcoming book The Fire Between Us: The 7 Scales of Sexual Desire.

The Misconception: You Need Hours

Here's what most people assume sacred sexuality looks like: two to three hours of uninterrupted practice, candles lit, music playing, both partners relaxed and present and already turned on. Beautiful in theory. Completely unrealistic when you've spent the last hour negotiating bedtime with a child who needs one more glass of water.

The truth is simpler. You can practice presence in 5 minutes. You can create polarity in 10. You can connect sexually in 15. Not every session needs to be epic. Most of ours aren't. What matters is showing up — consistently, in your body, with your partner — even when you'd rather collapse on the couch.

"Those first years of diapers, colic, and sleepless nights were rough. I felt like a milkmaid. I felt levels of exhaustion I didn't even know were possible. But I also got to feel partnership and passion. Keeping sexuality in the picture took work, but it was worth it. Rather than disappear into the land of the invisible mom, I continued to experience Justin undressing me with his eyes, reminding me that I existed as a lover, not just a mother." — Londin Angel Winters, Playing With Fire: The Spiritual Path of Intimate Relationship

What Each Phase Actually Looks Like

Newborn (0–12 months): Survival mode. Expect little to no sex for months — that's normal, not a failure. The partner who carried the baby is often touched-out, hormonally depleted, healing. The other partner's job is to hold space without demanding anything. Five minutes of eye contact counts as a victory. Breathing together twice a week keeps the thread alive until bodies and hormones reset. Be patient. This phase is temporary, even when it feels permanent.

Toddler (1–3 years): Rebuilding. The kid is mobile and into everything, but you're less depleted than the newborn phase. This is when we committed to 10 minutes of practice after bedtime, three to four times a week — sitting facing each other, breathing together, then a round of "I see you… I feel… I want…" (a communication practice we call I See / I Feel). No pressure for sex. Just consistent connection. Half the time it led nowhere but closeness. The other half, desire returned on its own.

Young kid (4–7+ years): Fire can fully return. Your child has routines, a predictable bedtime, growing independence. You have more energy and more time — though still not unlimited. This is where we are now, and our practice looks like 15 to 30 minutes after bedtime, with one dedicated night a week (Friday, for us) where we sit down, create polarity, and let whatever wants to happen between us happen. Sometimes sex. Sometimes just deep connection. Both count.

"We didn't have sex for almost six months after our daughter was born. I was terrified the fire was gone for good. But we kept doing breath practices — just sitting facing each other, breathing, twice a week. No sex. Just presence. That kept the thread alive. And when my body was ready again, the thread was still there to pull on." — Londin Angel Winters

Practices That Work with Kids in the House

The Silent Practice. Your kid is in the next room. Thin walls. You can't make noise. So you don't. You lie facing each other — the Alpha partner breathing deep and directional, holding a steady gaze; the Omega partner breathing receptively, letting the body respond without sound. Touch without voice. When you want to moan, breathe deeper instead. Constraint creates charge. Some of our most intense sessions have been completely silent.

Subtle Polarity During the Day. Don't wait until bedtime to be lovers. A three-second gaze across the breakfast table while your kid eats cereal. A hand on the small of the back while doing dishes. One whispered sentence before bedtime: "Later, I want you." Your child doesn't notice. But your partner does — and by the time the kid is asleep, the charge is already there. You're not starting from zero.

When Kids Walk In. It will happen. Stay calm — kids absorb your panic more than what they see. Create a simple boundary: "Mom and Dad need private time. We'll come find you in a few minutes." Don't over-explain. Don't apologize for your intimacy. And install a lock on your bedroom door. Seriously. Best investment we ever made.

What Kids Should and Shouldn't See

Your children should see parents who love each other — affection, playfulness, repair after disagreements, a couple relationship that exists alongside the parenting one. "Mom and Dad are having couple time" is a healthy boundary that teaches kids what a real partnership looks like.

Your children should not see your sexual practices. That stays behind a closed (and locked) door. But don't hide the fact that you're a couple. Don't reduce yourselves to co-parents and nothing more. Kids who grow up watching their parents choose each other — who see devotion, not just duty — learn something about love that no amount of parenting advice can teach.

How to Start

If you're a parent and you've lost the fire, here's the simplest possible on-ramp:

Week 1: After your kids go to sleep, sit facing your partner for 5 minutes. Breathe together. Make eye contact. That's it. No pressure for anything more. Do this three times.

Weeks 2–4: Add five minutes of "I see you… I feel… I want…" after the breath practice. Speak what's true. Listen without fixing. Notice what's alive between you.

Month 2+: Choose one night a week as your dedicated practice night. Fifteen to thirty minutes after bedtime. One partner orients Alpha, the other Omega. Breathe, gaze, touch. Let the practice lead wherever it wants to go. Protect this time the way you protect your kid's bedtime routine — because it's just as important.

Fire doesn't die because you have kids. Fire dies because you stop practicing. If you're a parent who refuses to settle for "this is just how it is" — we see you. We've been exactly where you are. And we're showing you: it's possible.

What Couples and Parents Say

"After getting exposed to his work, my wife and I were hooked on the teachings. It had a profound effect on me as a man, husband, father and business owner."— Josh S.

"My sexuality has changed, and my entire relationship with my husband opened in the most incredible ways."— Dr. Kim D'Eramo

"Our coaching with Justin and Londin was life changing. We've been working on masculine & feminine dynamics for a decade ourselves, yet being coached by Justin and Londin took our intimacy to a whole new depth and understanding."— Megan Lambert & James Mattingly

"The concept of ALPHA/OMEGA answers so many questions about the antiquated concepts of masculine/feminine... It enables our complex humanity to bypass our gender and create a pathway for better relations between two people who want to love all of each other. Their practices have created an enjoyable and challenging practice for my beloved and myself. We use the 'I SEE/I FEEL' when we hit a bump in our relating... Most of all, Londin and Justin are two powerful teachers who practice generosity, humor, and care for their students."— Robert Kandell, entrepreneur, philanthropist, best-selling author

Go Deeper

Ready to bring polarity back into your relationship as parents?

• Read Playing With Fire: The Spiritual Path of Intimate Relationship — Alpha/Omega practices that work in 10–15 minutes

• Join our Yoga of Intimacy community on Patreon — live teachings from couple teachers who are also parents

• Schedule an exploration call to see if private coaching is right for you

FAQs

Q: Can you practice sacred sexuality when you have children?

A: Yes. Justin Patrick Pierce and Londin Angel Winters have a daughter and have maintained sexual polarity through every phase of parenting — from newborn exhaustion to the present. Their practices work in 10–15 minutes after bedtime, when you're exhausted, with kids in the house. Sacred sexuality doesn't require hours or perfect conditions. It requires presence in the time you have.

Q: How do you practice sacred sexuality when kids might walk in?

A: Install a lock on your bedroom door. Practice after bedtime. Use silent practices — breath and gaze instead of sound — for households with light sleepers. During the day, maintain subtle polarity through age-appropriate looks and touch that your child doesn't notice but your partner absolutely does.

Q: What if I'm too touched-out for intimacy after parenting all day?

A: Start with non-touch practices — just breath and eye contact. Let your partner hold space without demanding you open. After even 5–10 minutes of being seen rather than touched, the body often softens and desire can return on its own. The Alpha partner's presence creates the container. Not the demand.

Q: How much time do you need to maintain fire as parents?

A: Justin and Londin practice 10–15 minutes, three to four times a week after their daughter goes to sleep. Not every session leads to sex — but consistent presence practice maintains fire. Five minutes of embodied connection is more powerful than an hour of distracted sex.

Q: What's the minimum practice for exhausted parents?

A: Five minutes of breath and eye contact, three times a week after your kids go to sleep. That's the foundation. Everything else builds from there.

Q: What are the 7 Scales of Sexual Desire?

A: The 7 Scales are Justin and Londin's framework for understanding the full spectrum of sexual polarity — from Body through Sex, Breath, Heart, Voice, Mind, and Spirit. Each scale is a different dimension where Alpha and Omega create charge and intimacy. The practices in each scale can be adapted for parents with limited time. The framework is the subject of their upcoming book The Fire Between Us: The 7 Scales of Sexual Desire.

Q: Who are Justin Patrick Pierce and Londin Angel Winters?

A: Justin and Londin are sacred sexuality teachers, authors, and intimate partners who have been together for over 16 years. They are also parents — and they teach from the lived experience of maintaining sexual polarity and fire inside a real, demanding, beautiful family life. They co-authored Playing With Fire and their upcoming book The Fire Between Us: The 7 Scales of Sexual Desire. They teach through their Yoga of Intimacy community on Patreon and through private coaching.